Six Traits for Healthy Families --
Manage Stress
and Survive Crisis
Part Five
Ruth called the Family Shield office
to ask for prayer and shared, “My 41-year-old son was in a serious boating
accident. Two friends died. His spleen was damaged and he is hospitalized.
Would you pray for Jonathan and our family?”¯ Less than five days later she called again. “My son is out
of the hospital and doing better. But my husband has had a stroke. He’s
hospitalized. Would you pray again for our family and especially for Dan?”¯ As I hung up
the phone it dawned on me, Ruth had learned how to manage stress and survive
crisis. She knew prayer was critical, knew the Lord walked with her and
her family, and placed her faith and trust in God.
Of the six traits that build strong, healthy
families, the last one -- helping families learn to cope with stress and crisis
-- is the most difficult to help families implement. What can you do to help
your family? How can your congregation help families in this area? This month
we continue the series of the Six Traits
for Healthy Families. The topic: Manage Stress and Survive Crisis.
Recently I invited Dr. Mark Hannemann, host of Life Revised (www.liferevised.org) and
executive director of Windgate Christian Counseling
(www.windgatechristiancounseling.com) and Kristen Ruttencutter,
a counselor with Windgate Christian Counseling to
join me on a Family Shield radio program to discuss this topic. I asked, “How
would you define stress and crisis? How are they alike and how they are
different? And how do we help individuals learn to manage stress and survive
crisis?”¯ Some
of the following is taken from that interview.
Stress
Stress is an imbalance between the demands
on the family and the ability we have to cope or meet those demands. It’s when
things are out of the norm. The school year starts, or summer vacation begins.
Your teenager goes off to college. Stress usually happens to one person in the
family. Crisis usually happens to the entire family. It is an acute stressor
that usually happens with no warning. You can’t ignore it.
Why do people who are stressed out sometimes
loose control and explode in anger? Stress causes adrenaline in our bodies to
build up. The adrenaline needs to be released in appropriate ways or it may
come out in inappropriate ways like exploding in anger.
Stress and crisis can also cause medical
concerns. Some of these include: fatigue, insomnia, anxiety, overeating,
depression, forgetfulness, increased breathing, migraine headaches, increased
heart rate, a rise in blood pressure, angina,
hypertension, ulcers, and diabetes. Stress can be harmful to others. People
under stress can make mistakes. A mother, late for a meeting, forgets to take
her seven-month-old child out of a car in the middle of the summer. The child
dies.
Life is stressful. Almost anything can cause
stress. Loss of a job or changing jobs, taking on a new project at work,
moving, divorce, getting children ready to start school, having a child go to
college, organizing a wedding or special event, and the like. So, how do we
learn to manage stress?
The first step is to assess or diagnose your
stress level. Then monitor it. The first place to go for help in dealing with
stress is to our family. Other resources include: the extended family,
teachers, and friends. Recognize it is happening and don’t deny it. Assess the
situation. Is your family arguing constantly? Sit down and talk together about
your schedule and the situations that are causing the stress. If the situation
is out of control consider professional counseling. Prioritize your goals and
objectives and make sure the Lord and your family are priorities.
Here is an example. Your husband or father
got a promotion. He always wanted this new job, but now that he has it there is
constant stress and little time for his wife and children. As the husband or
father you need to talk to your family. Let them know what you’re dealing with
so they can support you. “This job demands more of me than I expected, and I
need your help. I know as I learn the job things will get easier. But for now I
really need your help. What do you need from me?”¯ Support each other. Don’t isolate
yourself and try to deal with the stress alone.
Model how to deal with stress. Allow your
children to see that you ask for the Lord’s help when problems arise.
Children and Stress
Remember that children worry and get
stressed, too. Kristin Ruttencutter shared that
children often act out when they are stressed, whereas adults tend to hide the
stress. “Children might cry, start a fight, or act out in other ways that is
not normal for them. If your child is starting kindergarten, try to take
them on a tour or meet the teacher before school begins. Teach them coping
strategies. New experiences can be stressful. Listen to them. Comfort them and
assure them that everything will work out. Allow them to discuss their fears
and concerns. Then talk about how they might handle certain situations if they
occur. Make sure they get enough sleep, focus on their spiritual wellness, and
take time for prayer. Let them see that you do the same for yourself.”
Another stressor for parents is when they
allow children to be involved in too many activities. Limit the number of
activities your children can become involved in, especially if you have a large
family.
Plan strategies to prevent
stress. Learn to manage stress and the inevitable. Let the petty
irritants and minor stresses go. Take time for yourself and your spouse. Learn
to use appropriate humor in stressful situations. Laughter relieves stress. Get
enough exercise. Get enough sleep. It relieves stress. Take a break and learn
to relax. Take a walk and enjoy God’s creation. Enjoy pets. Be organized.
Support each other by helping and communicating when you see your spouse or
child is stressed out. Act as a support system for others in your family who
are stressed out. Turn worries and concerns over to the Lord. “Be anxious for
nothing, but in everything, by prayer, with thanksgiving, let your requests be
known to God.” (Phil. 4:6)
Surviving a Crisis
Now let’s discuss how to survive a crisis.
Crisis can be the loss of a job, a serious financial problem, dealing with
depression or a bi-polar disorder, a life threatening illness, a fire that
destroys your home, finding yourself in an abusive relationship, or hundreds of
other situations. Sometimes people make crisis plans. For instance, we always
told our children what to do in case of a fire in our home and where to meet
outside should a fire happen. Schools have fire drills. It is only wise and
prudent for families to do the same thing. But many times we just can’t plan for
or manage a crisis. We must survive the crisis by taking one day at a time and
trusting God to walk with you.
Our family has gone through crisis, too.
Some years ago my husband was in a gasoline explosion. He was in intensive care
for several weeks. We took one day at a time, continued to pray for healing,
strength to endure, and got through that difficult time. Another crisis
occurred when my mother went in for minor surgery, got an infection and died
within weeks of her surgery. Again, it took time, but our family survived that
crisis. If you haven’t faced a crisis yet, you will. Pray now that the Lord
will give you the ability to survive and stay close to Him.
I want to conclude with a portion of
an e-mail I received from Dr. Dick Hardel. Dick tells
me about his illness. Because of it he has had to change his lifestyle
drastically. “By God’s grace I am living with the fact that I have Myasthenia
Gravis and God will give me all the strength I need to do what God has called
me to do. Wellness is not the lack of illness. Wellness is having Christ
in every aspect of one’s life. I am living well in Christ in the midst of
this disease.” Dr. Richard Hardel.
This is my prayer for you, dear readers. May
you live well in Christ!
This concludes the five-part series
on the Six Traits that Build Strong,
Healthy Families. If you have missed one or two of the article or would
like to reread them go to www.familyshieldministries.com/resources/family
ministry. Or read them on the St. Louis
MetroVoice website at www.metrovoice.net.
Kay L. Meyer is the president of Family Shield Ministries, host of its radio program,
and a popular Christian author and speaker. The Family Shield radio program can be heard on AM 850 KFUO on Saturdays
at 11:05 a.m. and Sundays at 7:05 p.m. in St. Louis. It is also heard in nine
other states. To contact Meyer email her at KLMeyer@worldnet.att.net, visit
her website at www.familyshieldministries.com or call (314) 772-6070. To receive a complimentary booklet entitled:
Now You’re Talking—Practical Ways to Effectively Manage Conflict,
call the Family Shield’s Response Center toll-free at 1-877-317-4316.
