School’s About to Start: Will it be

Chaos or Calm for the Adoptee?

By Karin Price

“A good teacher is like a candle – it consumes itself to light the way for others.” - Author Unknown

Draw your family tree, bring in your baby picture, trace the genetic origins of your eye color: Teachers often make school assignments that are difficult for children who joined their family through adoption, so parents must do their homework in advance.

Susan, the daughter of my friend, came home upset. Her eight grade science teacher had given a homework assignment Susan knew wouldn’t work for her family. Each student was asked to trace the genetic origins of the eye color of those in their family. The challenge for her was that she had two siblings who were adopted from Asia. She and her parents were blonde. After class, she went to the teacher and explained her situation. The teacher had a simple solution, “Just choose someone else’s family for this assignment.”

Joshua, who attended a different school, was also given the same assignment. He told his teacher that his sister was adopted from Haiti, so the eye chart wouldn’t be genetically correct. The teacher responded, “That’s okay, do your family as it is. Families are all built differently.”

Throughout my children’s education, teachers were ready with alternative assignments. These teachers truly understood the educational goal of each task. They developed new coursework for all their students (not just the students who had joined their family by adoption), without sacrificing the educational goal of the assignments. I realize, though, that not all adoptive families will encounter such flexible educators.

Adoptive families should be prepared with strategies to help their child manage school assignments that are not sensitive to adoption issues.

Parent involvement in schools means more than attending parent conferences and PTO/PTA meetings. If at all possible, volunteer your time in the classroom. Offer to help with activity preparations such as cutting and collating. Teachers always seem to need help with reading groups and special art projects. Keep informed on school matters by attending school board meetings and regularly visit the school’s website. If your child is older, keep in monthly contact with the guidance counselor.

Second, prepare your child. Early on, children are taught to answer every question that is asked by a teacher. Let your child know that if personal information is asked, it is OK to respond to the teacher by saying, “You need to ask my parent for that information.” Also, inform your child about school policies and regulations. Research has shown that children who are considered “different” are teased and bullied. Children who join their family by adoption may be considered “different” by the other children in school. Children who are of a different race than their parents will be asked questions and many are teased. There are three schools within 20 minutes of our home. One school gives suspension for physical bullying. Another gives a suspension for physical and verbal bullying. The third one has a bully prevention program and also gives suspensions for physical and verbal bullying. Your child must know the school’s policy on bullying. This empowers your child to know what behavior is acceptable and what is not. Show your child the chain of command in the school system, so your child recognizes many adults can be drawn in to solve the problem. Take time each week to discuss what is happening at school and help them find creative ways to deal with intrusive questions from classmates. Equip your child with the tools necessary to handle questions.

Third, prepare your teacher. If needed, schedule a parent-teacher conference before school begins to discussion how your family is built. Give the teacher information on adoption, including a terminology sheet (www.dillonadopt.com/PDFs/New%20Adoption%20Terminology.pdf ). Ask the teacher whether there will be assignments that would be potentially problematic for an adopted child to complete. Examples to guide your discussion include pointing out that some children have grown on two or more family trees, so a better assignment may be to ask students to portray their family in a creative art project. Children without a baby picture still need to learn growth and change, so following the growth of a baby chick after hatching could be a possible alternative.

During social studies, transculturally adopted children may be asked to present on the country where they were born. Some enjoy sharing photos, traditional clothes and foods from their birth land. Others feel uncomfortable being selected for a presentation.

The assignment, “write the story of your life,” could challenge some adoptees, especially those who were adopted at an older age. This assignment brings back early traumatic memories that may be too difficult or too personal to write. Suggest a writing assignment about one period of their life or recommend writing a bibliography.

Most assignments regarding genetics assume children are genetically related to all family members or assume that children know the genetic facts of their birth parents; however, a teacher is able to teach genetics with less personal examples.

Junior high and high school teachers lead a variety of discussions in their classroom. During a discussion on poverty in my daughter’s geography class, the teacher said abortion was a solution for overpopulation, which leads to starvation. My daughter was adopted from a country (Haiti) where many die each year because there is not enough clean water and food. Her response was, “You may think abortion is the solution, but it is not. Everyone should have clean water and food. What are we doing to give people clean water and food?”

High school health and family life education classes may call for a parent on the curriculum review committee. How is adoption presented to the class? Positive adoption messages should be in the curriculum.

Parental support and involvement are vital to the success of any child’s experience in school.

Publisher’s Note

For further information on this topic, please visit the following web sites: Adoption and the Schools: a Resource Guide for Parents and Teachers by Lansing Wood and Nancy Ng. To order: http://www.pactadopt.org/store/page20.html; Adoption and Schools http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/school/index/php, and Adoption and School Issues http://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_school/index.cfm.

Karin Price, director of Dillon International’s Adoption Education Center, has 25 years experience as a professional social worker and educator. She is the adoptive mother of a daughter from Haiti, has a son by birth, and a daughter by marriage. At age two, Karin and her parents moved to South Korea, where they provided a home for orphaned school-aged boys. Upon graduating from high school, Karin moved to the United States to obtain her degree in social work. As an interning case manager, she observed adoption cases for the county juvenile court. She has traveled to other countries, worked in orphanages and lived in the People’s Republic of China for three years.

Dillon International was founded on the belief in the Great Commission of Jesus Christ.  It is their belief that every child deserves the love and care of a family.  They seek His direction in serving children at risk around the world.  And, to the best of their efforts, they serve these children and their families as Christ would serve them. The licensed, non-profit agency offers adoption and humanitarian aid programs in China, India, Haiti, South Korea, Vietnam, Guatemala, and Ukraine. Headquartered in Tulsa, OK, Dillon International has branch locations in six cities, including St. Louis, MO.

For more information, please call the St. Louis office at (314) 576-4100, or their Tulsa office at (918) 749-4600, or visit the Dillon website at http://www.dillonadopt.com .