The Single Mother and the Church
By Diane L. Vaughan
Mothering single-handedly is not something God originally intended. The command to “be fruitful and multiply” was
first given by God to Adam and Eve after blessing their marital union. We see the 
charge
to “be fruitful and multiply” again as God blessed Noah, his sons and their
wives after the great flood. Clearly
we see that becoming a parent was to occur in the context of marriage between
one man and one woman. Unfortunately,
the first sin tainted all things this side of heaven.
And now the solo mother may find herself in this predicament due to
death, divorce, desertion, or incarceration.
When
the Scriptures speak of the single mother it invariably uses the term “widow.” What most people may not know is that both the
Hebrew and Greek word for widow imply several meanings. Upon hearing the word widow, most people think
of a woman who has lost her husband by death. But the original meaning, as used in both the
Old and New Testaments, may also refer to a woman who has been left without
a provider as in the case of abandonment, divorce, or imprisonment.
In
our present day, where some feel we are inching toward a post-family society,
we do not lack opportunity to minister to the single mother. Statistics indicate that the nuclear family
is on the decline. Divorce,
co-habitation, single mother households and unmarried women having babies have all
increased. But as the Church embraces its
divine call to care for the single mother, ministry toward her and her children
can bring hope to an often hopeless situation.
Here are some ways the Church can be a refuge for the single mother.
Value
the Single Mother
Mothers
parenting alone often struggle with emotions such as grief, guilt or
shame. Whether they have been through a
painful divorce, an unexpected crisis such as death, or the embarrassment of
being left behind, all of these situations can breed a host of unpleasant
feelings. And though divorce has sadly become
a socially acceptable necessity rather than the taboo it once was a few decades
ago, it still comes with a high price of broken-heartedness. Due to the overwhelming distress they may
carry, the need for love and acceptance is very important. In all likelihood, their sense of self-worth
has been diminished by the overwhelming factors of their circumstances.
The
Church of Jesus Christ can offer much comfort by simply opening a door of
ministry to the single mother. Most
local churches provide a variety of ministries to their members and even to
their surrounding community. Why not
host a ministry for these special mothers?
If your church doesn’t have one, then why not present one to your pastor
or deacon board? Remember, this is an ever
growing subgroup among our population.
By
making relevant Bible studies,
support groups or prayer meetings available and incorporating a ministry in the
church budget that will assist her in financial need, she can once again feel a
sense of value.
Interestingly,
whereas we see the church gather when there’s a death in the family, too often
we see the church scatter in the case of divorce. If the single mom is to find unconditional
love without a judgmental attitude, she must find it within the open doors of
the church that will not look the other way.
Visit
the Single Mother
Another way to minister to the single mother is to spend time with
her. Coping with loneliness can seem like an endless
struggle. And avoiding isolation is
difficult when you don’t feel like you fit in with the married couples or
mesh with the young singles groups. Thus,
invitations for her and her children to come to dinner or out to lunch are
usually welcomed. Other creative ways
to spend time with her is to take 
her
to see a wholesome and fun movie, take her shopping and bless her with something
new to wear, or invite her and several other moms and their children over
for a play date. Building a relationship with the single mom
can do so much to lessen those strong feelings of lonesomeness, especially
if she is without the support of nearby extended family members. Your friendship can provide such a breather
from feeling disconnected from others. Your
friendship can also encourage her in her relationship with God, in whom she
can find her greatest source of comfort and belonging.
Volunteer
to Help the Single Mother
Indeed
it is true that volunteers are hard to come by.
But if there was ever a need for volunteers to lend a helping hand it is
in the life of the single mother.
Everyday there are things to be accomplished. There is full time employment, the children’s
education and activities, housework, home and car maintenance, grocery
shopping, meal preparation, and financial management. This doesn’t even include trying to allot
time for building relationships with the kids.
All of this responsibility is placed solely on the shoulders of a one
parent family doing a two parent job.
The stress can be unbearable to say the least.
The
church can lift some of the burden by encouraging the body to use their
individual gifts to fit specific needs.
Volunteering to help out in the area of auto mechanics, home repairs or
house cleaning, accounting or childcare can alleviate high levels of anxiety
and worry. Godly men investing time in
the life of fatherless sons can make all the difference as well. By volunteering in both practical and
meaningful ways, the single mother and her children can draw closer to a much
more manageable and peaceful way of life.
As the church’s leadership shepherds the single parent family, they can
assess their needs and then make them known to those that can offer help.
A
Choice Vine
According
to an author who has written a devotional for single mothers, “vicissitude” is
a special word which describes the kind of day these moms often
experience. Why this particular
word? More than likely, the author chose
this word because it is defined as “circumstances, ups and downs, and
unforeseen challenges” involving “change, uncertainty, and vulnerability.” And though life affords most people with more
vicissitudes than they would care to experience, the single mother, as we have
discovered, becomes acquainted with them in a way unique only to her situation.
Providentially,
her situation and life of unexpected vicissitudes is not without hope. The Church of Jesus Christ is there for her.
But better than that, a Choice Vine waits for her to draw near.
The Vine is Christ and as the Church directs the single mother to this
Choice Vine, there will always be sufficient grace to see her and her family
through anything.
Diane
L. Vaughan is a Pastor’s wife, home schooling mother of four and co-author
of The Beauty of Modesty. She addresses women’s groups on the topics of
biblical modesty, femininity and submission.
To contact her to speak to your group, call Liberty Christian Church
at (636) 240-4412.
