Slander – A Sin That Can Destroy Lives!
“The
Board of Elders requested that I tell them about the slander that had hurt me
so much at my previous congregation. They assured me that anything I told them
would be held in the strictest confidence. So I was open with them. Then last
week, three months after this information was shared, a member asked me a very
personal question. The only way she could have known about the situation she
brought up was that one of these elders told her about it. This member thought
the slander was true! I can’t express how much this situation has hurt me and
my family.” Pastor Ed
I’m
a trained biblical reconciler for my church body. Because of this training, and
my work with Family Shield Ministries, I frequently listen to church workers
and Christians who have had their lives damaged by slander. Slander can
have tragic consequences. Some consequences include: separation, divorce, loss
of job, depression, and suicide. Think these are bad? The consequences of
slander can be far worse than this. There is spiritual damage, too. Slander
sometimes causes Christians to confuse the slander of men with the work of God
in their lives. They assume God is doing to them what is really the work of
human sinfulness. They begin to doubt their faith, fall away from active
worship attendance, and Bible
studies, or even hate God. And, sometimes slander keeps those who do not know
Christ from coming to faith. This last fact is the greatest tragedy of all!
What
is slander? In 1886, Joseph Roux described it this way: “A verdict of guilty
pronounced in the absence of the accused, with closed doors, without defense or
appeal, by an interested and prejudiced judge.” Here is another way to think
about it: Did you ever play “telephone” as a child? It’s played like this. You
whisper a long story into the ear of the person next to you. Then that person whispers
it to the person next to them. Around the circle it goes. When the story gets
to the last person, you repeat it out loud for the group. You’ll find that the
words that were shared at the beginning are nothing like what is said at the
end. That’s often what happens when stories are repeated. This is also why the
slanderer is often called “a talebearer.”
Galatians 5:19-21 talks about inward
sins (or evil thoughts). In God’s eyes, pride and an undisciplined tongue are
just as damaging as inflicting physical harm. ‘Sins affect not only us, but others as well.’ Psalm
101:5 says “whoever secretly slanders his neighbor, him I will destroy.” Psalm 16:28 says, “A slanderer separates
intimate friends.” How many of you had intimate friends, but slander demolished
that relationship? Slander can destroy lives, and relationships!
Proverbs 6:16-19 talks about six things
the Lord hates. Sometimes they are called the “deadly sins.” They include: a
proud look, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that
devises wicked plans, feet that are swift in running to mischief, ‘a false witness that utters lies,’
and one that spreads strife among the
brothers. Why do you think God’s word calls them deadly sins?
When
we slander anyone, whether it’s a Christian or not, we are breaking one of
God’s commandments: “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor” (Deuteronomy 5:20). The reformer Martin
Luther had some good things to say about this topic in his Large Catechism. He
says, “This commandment forbids all sins of the tongue whereby we may injure or
approach too closely to our neighbor. For to bear false witness is nothing else
than a work of the tongue…Here belongs particularly the detestable, shameful
vice of speaking behind a person’s back and slandering, to which the devil
spurs us on…for it is a common evil plague that every one prefers hearing evil
to hearing good of his neighbor.”
‘Slander’
is spreading ‘untrue’ stories
about someone. And, slander, according to God’s Word, is sin. Slander is
preceded by another sin: judging others. The Lord Jesus has told us not to do
this (Matthew 7:1-5). When we judge
others, we think we are something and they are nothing. Galatians 6:3-4 warns us against this, for we should not think we
are something when we are nothing. When we judge others, we take the role of
God and pass judgment on another fellow sinner. Martin Luther once wrote, “To
avoid this vice we should all note that no one is allowed to publicly judge and
reprove his neighbor, although he may see him sin…for there is a great
difference between these two things, knowing sin and judging sin. You may
indeed know it, but you are not to judge it…now if I rush in, judging and
passing sentence, I fall into a sin which is greater than his.” Judgment belongs
to God alone, and even God is merciful. Therefore, God tells His forgiven
people to show mercy too, for “Mercy triumphs over judgment” (James 2:13b).
Sometimes
slander takes another just-as-deadly form: gossip. Even sharing true
information in a way which harms people is still sinful. Christians should be
like God and love one another. To harm them, even with our words, is not to do
God’s work, but the work of the devil. Galatians
6:1-2 tells us that if we are aware that someone is sinning, we should “deal
with them gently.” To ‘deal with them gently’ means to remember that you are also
a sinner and God has forgiven you. Remember, “We all stumble in many ways” (James 3:2a).
If
we don’t deal with others in gentleness, the outcome will be that “you also may
be tempted.” You may be tempted to do their sin or you may be tempted to gossip
about them. Either way, you yourself will sin. So if you hear or see someone in
a sin, either use your knowledge to help them, or do nothing at all. You can
help them by leading them to repentance or by bearing their burden with them.
But to do nothing, is that right? Yes. Listen to Luther’s excellent advice:
“But if you know about it, do nothing else than turn your ears into a grave.”
The next time someone begins slandering a friend, co-worker, or a member of
your congregation, walk away. Don’t listen. And don’t repeat the slander! If we
all pointed out each others faults and sins, that’s all we would ever do and
our lives would be miserable, but our lives are to be about pointing to Jesus
and His forgiveness, so we are filled with joy!
Gossip,
then, naturally leads to slander because most people alter what they hear or
see. Yet, many people, including Christians who are leaders within their
congregations, often don’t have a problem repeating things they heard from
others. Beware! Satan prowls around like a roaring lion seeing who he can
devour. He is the father of lies! Don’t fall for his schemes (Eph. 6:11). One of his schemes is that
‘slander doesn’t really hurt anyone, it’s just a small
sin.’ If you really understand the damage slander causes, then you’ll realize
that it is, in fact, a large sin, because it does so much long-term damage.
Has
slander become a part of your life? If so, let’s review a few biblical ways to
deal with it. First, confess your sin to the Lord and receive His forgiveness!
And then ask the Lord to help you to stop gossip and slander! Next, if you have
done a lot of damage with your sins, true repentance will lead you to publicly
correct the damage you have done. Don’t think you can just tell God you’re
sorry and move on. The people you have hurt with your slander may not be able
to move on, especially if it has become public. God will forgive you as soon as
you ask, of course, but His mercy leads us to true repentance, which is about
change. And that change leads us to reformative action. John the Baptist said,
“Produce fruit in keeping with repentance” (Luke
3:8, 10-14). God forgives you. Now do your best to fix the damage you have done
in other lives.
If
the situation is right, such as if you hear severe, public slander, you may
want to confront the person who is sinning and remind them of God’s will. If
you do this, say a prayer first. Martin Luther was so offended by this sin that
he said you should stop slander just as you would stop murder. In other words,
you would not be so concerned about their feelings, but you’d be more concerned
about the feelings of the person being sinned against. Remember slander
destroys lives! Luther’s suggestion was that we should confront the slanderer
to his face, so that he blushes and he’ll never do it again. This last piece of
advise is only for exceptional situations and it would
be a challenge to do. Most people would not like either doing it or having it
done to them.
But
whatever approach you take to the sin of slander, we who know God should all
stop doing it. We can stop by the grace of God, for “The grace of God that
brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say ‘NO’ to
ungodliness…” (Titus 2:11-12a). God’s
grace is the way. God’s grace gives life, it does not destroy life. It is the
way of salvation, as well as the way to stop slander.
“My little children, I am writing
these things to you that you may not sin. But if anyone sins, we have an Advocate
with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous; and He Himself is the propitatiation for our sins; and not for ours only, but also
for those of the whole world”. (1 John 2:1-2).
Kay
L. Meyer is the founder and president of Family Shield Ministries, Inc. and
host of its weekly, hour-long radio program heard in St. Louis and Chicago.
Locally you can hear the program on AM 850 KFUO on Saturdays from 11:05 a.m.
– 12 noon. To reach her, call (314) 772-6070, go to www.familyshieldministries,
or e-mail her at KLMeyer@worldnet.att.net. This month’s column was co-authored
by Kay and her son Rev. Kevin T. Meyer.
