Good Questions!

Hi folks…It’s me…Ellie. I know it’s been awhile since you’ve seen a column from me, but I’ve been reeealy busy. You have no idea how much time it takes keeping squirrels, rabbits, and birds out of your back yard. And, in case you didn’t read last month’s issue of the paper, we’ve moved. Sophie (my younger sister) and I love our new home out in St. Peters. You ought to see the yard. It’s huge compared to our first home. There are a lot of trees, bushes, rabbits to chase…it’s heaven!

I’ve gotten some interesting mail lately. One letter in particular, which you’re about to read. Here goes…

· Why do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?

· Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke?

· Why do banks leave both doors open but chain the pens to the counters?

· Why do people leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway yet fill their garage with useless junk?

· Why are hot dogs sold in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight?

· Why is the word ‘politics’ used to describe the political process when ‘Poli’ in Latin means ‘many’ and ‘tics’ are ‘bloodsucking insects’?

· Why do drive-up ATM machines have Braille lettering?

· Why does the sun lighten people’s hair, but darkens their skin?

· Why can’t women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

· Why don’t you ever see the headline “Psychic Wins Lottery”?

· Why is “abbreviated” such a long word?

· Why is it that doctors call what they do “practice”?

· Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

· Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

· Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

· Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?

· Why isn’t there bone-flavored dog food?

· Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

· Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

· You know that indestructible black box that’s used on airplanes? Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

· Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?

· Why are they called apartments when they’re all stuck together?

· If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

· If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Good questions! Especially the one about the bone-flavored dog food.

Ellie May Day is a cute, 35 lb. Hines 57 guard dog whose bark is worse than her bite -but she’s quite intelligent. Readers are encouraged to e-mail questions for Ellie to AskEllieQandA@aol.com or write: St. Louis MetroVoice, C/O Ask Ellie, PO Box 1533, St. Peters, MO 63376