Compulsive Gambling: An Escape from Reality!

How does gambling affect today’s families? How does a person go from gambling for small stakes and infrequently, to become a compulsive gambler who embezzles funds? How can quick access to casino’s encourage gambling addiction?

Last spring I interviewed Stephen and Angie Shanholtzer from Springfield, Missouri on the Family Shield radio program. Stephen was a lawyer with a loving wife and three young children. He was also a compulsive gambler. How did the addiction begin? And how did his compulsive gambling almost destroy his life and the life of his family?

Stephen finally exposed his secret life of gambling and embezzlement. And with the support of his wife, extended family, his church, and the Lord, he was able to stop gambling. He went from being hopeless and on the verge of suicide, to an abundant life. He now has a life full of hope and grace through Christ! The following is part of my conversation with the Shanholtzers.

Stephen, looking back were their any warning signs?

“As a child I was very competitive and loved sports. I can remember losing one week’s allowance, then a second week’s allowance, and even a third week’s allowance to my brother. Even back then, I wanted to win.

“But, other than betting and losing my weekly allowance, gambling wasn’t a part of my life as a child or youth. When I was 22 years old I went, for the first time, to a casino. I was on a business trip. I went with several friends to play blackjack. After three hours my friends left, but I stayed until the boat closed. Then, early the next morning, I returned to the boat. I continued to gamble until it was time to go home.

“Angie and I were married in 1990. I graduated from law school in 1993. Other than that one gambling experience, I did little gambling until after I became a lawyer. That was when the casino became accessible. Because they were available, I began gambling regularly. It began with small bets and small amounts of money. And because I traveled regularly on business, I was able to keep my gambling a secret from my wife and family.”

Angie, how much did you know about Stephen’s gambling at this time? Did you realize it was an addiction?

“No, I didn’t realize how bad it was. He kept it from me for years. He’d gamble before work, on his lunch hour, after work, and when he traveled. He traveled a lot, so most of the time, I didn’t know about it. That is, until a crisis arose. Like the time he maxed out the credit cards. Then he admitted he had a problem, but I didn’t realize how bad it really was. I certainly didn’t realize it was an addiction!”

Stephen shared, “Kay please tell your listeners and readers that compulsive gambling is a process. It begins with small bets, then the bets get bigger and bigger. It takes time to get in over your head. Sometimes years.

“There is a misconception about gambling. Compulsive gambling has nothing to do with money or winning money. The root problem is being in a dream world. I liked the ‘rush’ of winning! There were several times over these years that I won enough that I could have paid off the charge cards and all my debts, but I didn’t! Instead I kept gambling! No winning is ever enough! It’s an escape! It’s the risk! And the high-rolling lifestyle that I enjoyed! I was also depressed. Gambling allowed me to escape from reality!

“For years, I continued to play two roles! Good Christian husband, father, and friend on weekends. The other role, that I kept hidden, was being a compulsive gambler!

“I knew I needed help, but didn’t want to admit that I was a compulsive gambler. It was like a roller coaster ride. I was up, then down. Eventually, Angie found out about the money I’d lost, so we set up some road blocks. We took my name off the checkbook so I couldn’t cash checks. We took my name off the credit cards. I only took enough money on trips for expenses.”

“This seemed to work,” shared Angie, “except then Stephen found other ways to obtain money for his gambling habit.”
Stephen continued. “My ability to obtain money honestly had been reduced. Soon I began lying to Angie. I’d receive an expense check and didn’t tell her. But, the expense checks just weren’t enough money. So soon, I was thinking about unethical ways to obtain funds. At first, I just took referral checks. Later I actually began forging checks from the law firm where I worked. You see, betting small amounts of money didn’t give me the rush I needed anymore. I no longer bet $100. I needed to bet $500 and even $1,000. The stakes had to be higher to continue to get the rush I enjoyed!

“I grew up in a Christian home and knew Christ as my Savior. I know that seems strange, but it’s true. I knew what I was doing was wrong. During those years, I regularly confessed my sins to the Lord and would beg Him to help me stop gambling. But, I just couldn’t seem to stop. I kept my sin a secret from everyone. I’d pray, ‘Please God, take the addiction away! Please help me God!’ I was hopeless. I wanted to stop, but just couldn’t.

“Then in 2001 I got a new job. But before I was able to transition from one position to another, the law firm where I was currently working found out about the job and fired me! Now I really had a problem. You see, just days before they’d fired me, I had forged and cashed a check worth $5,000. How was I going to cover this up? I was frantic! Desperate!

“Because of that $5,000 check I had a problem I couldn’t deal with. This would ruin my life! Angie would find out! I went to visit my brother and sister-in-law. I asked him to loan me $5,000. And I told him what I had done and why I needed the money. Afterward, my sister-in-law called my wife and told her, ‘Stephen is gambling again and said he’s also embezzled funds.’

“During this time, I was praying again. The guilt was overwhelming. Inside I was dying slowly. Things were hopeless. Suicide filled my thoughts. I thought life was over and all was hopeless! I decided I only had two choices. I would either commit suicide or meet the problem head on. I’d confess everything and take the consequences. At this point in my life, I wasn’t sure which course I’d take.”

Angie shared, “Once I heard the news my life was turned upside down! I didn’t know what to do. I called our pastor and told him what had happened. Then I called a friend and asked her to travel with me to find Stephen.”

Stephen continued, “She found me at the casino. The truth spilled out! I told her how sorry I was. We fought, then tried to figure out what we needed to do. Amazing to me, Angie still loved me! And wanted to find help for my addiction to gambling. She had learned of a special in-patient counseling program for gamblers. It was out of state. Our church helped raise funds so I could go there for three weeks.

“After that our life was turned upside down. I surrendered my law license and hired a lawyer. I told him what I had done. I didn’t want to get out of it, but to admit what I’d done. I’d embezzled almost $70,000! I asked him to represent me. The case was turned over to the Secret Service. While I waited for the trial, which took almost two years, I went to work as a salesmen making minimum wage. My lawyer warned us that I might be put into jail. It was a real possibility. We were prepared for me to go to jail, but the Lord was gracious.

“People from our congregation were wonderful! They were there for us right from the start! They supported me and Angie. During the trial over 30 people from my congregation were there to show their support. They prayed during the entire trial. I received a five year supervisory probation and had four months of house arrest. I am now doing community service and talking about my addiction. I’ve spoken to congregational groups, Sunday school classes, on radio programs like this one, and to secular groups.

“During it all, the Lord was working to give me hope and an abundant life. I had to surrender my life and family to Him. I can never stop praising Him for His mercy and grace! If others are in a situation that seems hopeless my advise is ‘Look to the Lord!’ Confess your sins and be cleansed. The Lord doesn’t forsake us. He walks with us through our trials. He loves us, even in the midst of our sins. After all, the Bible says, ‘While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us!”‘

Kay L. Meyer is the founder and president of Family Shield Ministries, Inc. and host of its weekly radio program. The program is heard each Saturday at 11:05 a.m. and repeated on Sundays at 7:05 p.m. on AM 850 KFUO. To schedule a speaking engagement or learn more about her ministry call (314) 352-2253 or e-mail KLMeyer@worldnet.att.net. You may also visit her web site at www.familyshieldministries.com.