How Do I Lead a Life of
Sexual Integrity?
By Emily Limbaugh
Sexual Integrity℠ is a whole person approach. God called us to be fruitful and multiply in all areas. These include emotional, physical, social, intellectual and spiritual. Sexual Integrity℠ is expressing the gift of sexuality throughout life in a true, excellent, honest and pure way. It is protection in childhood, direction in adolescence, and celebration in adulthood. By obeying God’s most perfect plan, we are able to live a pure life, free from anything inferior such as heartbreak, emotional baggage and STDs.
Sexual integrity helps us to be
emotionally whole. To get there, we must first repent and ask God to remove any
past pain or hurt that our sexual decisions have caused us. We must commit to a
process of healing, because our hearts need to be whole to have healthy
relationships. Despite what we may have done in the past, God forgives
completely. We can depend on him to perfect us. We cannot let ourselves be
pushed or pulled into the “wrong” relationships. This is easier when we
understand that in “right” relationships, we experience the true emotional
bonding that comes with time, trust, shared experiences, shared values and
unconditional love. We need to protect our hearts from the pain that broken or
unhealthy relationships can bring into our lives. When we are strong
emotionally, we are able to protect ourselves from those who would use and
abuse us. When we believe emotionally that we are can have true, lasting love –
we are on the way to achieving sexual integrity.
What we do with our bodies impacts our physical level of sexual integrity. God designed our bodies to experience love, pleasure, unity, joy and intimacy in a specific context: marriage. Our sexuality is meant for one person of godly character– who is willing first to win our hearts (and commit to us for a lifetime) before winning our bodies. When we have sexual integrity, we present ourselves in a way that reveals our true worth without revealing too much of our bodies. Revealing too much gives the impression that we are available to anyone. Regardless of what we may have done with our bodies in the past, we can make choices that will make them pure and healthy starting today. And, we can stay away from substances that weaken our ability to make good decisions. Our bodies speak a language. Our body can tell the truth or it can lie. By wearing all black, tattoos and piercings, one is saying, “I’m in pain so I’m going to make it really hard to get to me.” You never see a 90 year old dressed like that. What a young girl wears can lie about her body. Instead of telling a girl she looks like a tramp, parents can say, “That outfit is lying about you. It is so beneath you and it doesn’t show your true potential.” This way of talking to teens has a more positive outcome and you are actually complimenting your teen’s potential.
We are social beings, created for relationships. More than any other part of ourselves, our social lives are on view for everyone to see. Living with sexual integrity socially, means that our relationships are in order. Our friendships are healthy, our romantic relationships are successful, and our reputations are respectable. When our sexual choices are not good, we find exactly the opposite: our relationships at school or home are in turmoil, our friendships are unhealthy and filled with pain, our romantic relationships keep falling apart and our reputations call for very descriptive words. To live according to God’s plan and to live with social wholeness, there are a few things we need to do.
• Pray about our current relationships and end them if they are not in conformity
with God’s
• Work hard at
getting along with our parents. Regardless of our age, this is one relationship
we cannot escape.
• Begin to trust the right kind of people (believe behavior, not words) and start building relationships that are healthy (not filled with gossip and backstabbing).
• If there are
places or people that tempt us to engage in sexual behavior that damages our
relationships and reputations. We should
stay away from them. No matter how unpopular we think we may feel from not
partying with the “in crowd,” we’ll feel less popular when we’re labeled, or
find ourselves with a substance abuse problem or a sexually transmitted
disease.
Understanding sexual integrity involves
using our mind. Really knowing how to live out sexual integrity takes time,
education and experience. No matter what our IQ, we all have the God-given
ability to become mature and wise. It’s really about learning to become thinking
people. It involves a lifelong journey of learning about how we perceive ourselves,
how others perceive us, how our bodies are designed, and how we can have healthy
relationships. There are many people that can help us on the path to knowledge,
but ultimately, learning, growing and healing comes from God. Living a life
of sexual integrity encourages us to fill our minds and thoughts with things
that will improve us. What we see has an impact on our behavior, so we can
choose not to watch media with sexual content that will tempt us. Instead,
we can use our minds to achieve our goals in life and say “NO” to people who
want to use us. We’re smarter than that. When our intellects are sharp, we
are more interesting and more engaging as people. We attract smarter people
and, in turn, they respect our ideas, thoughts and opinions.
Living with sexual integrity means being spiritually whole. Since God created sex, He knows that if we begin to live with sexual integrity, we will be free to live without guilt and shame. Starting even today, we can have a sense of peace when we understand we are precious in God’s eyes, regardless of past choices. Our hearts can feel whole. But how do we get there when the world we live in seems full of sexual pain, guilt and shame? We begin by being honest about our spiritual condition.
What
do we believe? How do we act, based on those beliefs? Are our sexual choices
based on what we know is true, excellent, honest and pure? Or, are they based
on past mistakes, selfish motives and sensual desires? We are designed to
have a wonderful relationship with God. In fact, we are incomplete without
it. But sometimes, our choices get in the way of this relationship. God is
love, so He is the expert we must turn to if we want a lifetime of sexual
integrity and true love. Having sexual integrity doesn’t mean we are perfect,
but it does mean we can receive forgiveness and avoid a lifetime of shame
that often leads us to turn away from God, thinking He couldn’t love us. God
designed us to experience true and lasting love, not second-rate sex. He wants us to lead happy, healthy, pain-free
lives. He knows that choosing to live with sexual integrity can help us get
there.
Emily Limbaugh is with the Pregnancy Resource Center (PRC) where she serves as the coordinator for Best Choice℠ , the Sexual Integrity/Prevention℠ arm of PRC. Best Choice℠ performs a four-day FREE presentation at public and private high schools, middle schools, and church youth groups. If you would like Best Choice℠ to speak in your school or youth group, please contact Emily at (314) 783-3040. This article contains information from Heartbeat International’s “Sexual Integrity Convention" (2003).